Today, I'm extra pissed off at cancer

Today has been the first day that I've really been upset about having cancer.
I realized today that I'm not as ok with being bald as I thought I would be. I didn't really think it would be a big deal. Anyone who knows me knows that I could really care less about my looks, so my problem isn't a vanity/self-image issue.
I've been saying that it seemed so weird to be out doing things and looking so normal still. Like I have this big secret, except I don't want it to be a secret. I want people to know that I'm tough and I'm beating cancer, I'm not letting it get me down or get in my way. But looking at me, you can't tell any of that because my scars are usually covered by my clothes and my hair still looks normal. In a way, I was looking forward to it being gone because then my cancer wouldn't be a secret anymore and I wouldn't feel like I was hiding something.
Over the past week or so, my hair has started coming out big time. At first it was kinda cool, kind of a novelty (whoa! look how much just came out!). Then it turned to major annoyance. It's worst in the shower after I shampoo it. I rake my fingers through it and tons of it comes out in my hands. It clogs the drain. It wraps around my arms and fingers and I feel like I'm just tangled in these never-ending strands of hair. I tried avoiding washing it but even though there's not much of it, my hair gets too oily to keep that up for long. This morning I was downright whining about how I didn't want to shower and deal with the fallout (ha!). When I finally did get in the shower, I ended up washing it 3 times. Thinking that maybe if I just kept washing and combing enough, it would just all come out. I was prepared for it to look really thin and pathetic when I got out of the shower, but it still doesn't. Unless you look close, it looks fine.
I've reached a point where I really need to just buzz it. It's too thin to cut short. It'd look awful. But as much as I said I'd be ok with just buzzing it, I'm finding that I'm not. I'm not ready to be bald. The idea is suddenly scary. Like, as much as I wanted to bald so people know I have cancer, I now want to keep the hair so I can keep hiding. I want to be able to keep hiding it from myself. Once the hair is gone, that's it, it'll be obvious that I'm sick. I won't be able to selectively share the info with people...they'll know, whether I want them to or not. *sigh* So today, I'm just annoyed to have to be dealing with this whole issue. I'm annoyed because it's cancer's fault and cancer sucks.
In the end, I've decided to have a haircut party this weekend with some close friends. I'm going to make it fun by taking requests for hairstyles we can try out on my head as we buzz it (so far, I have a request for a mullet, a mohawk and I want to try buzzing designs into my hair like a redneck kid from the 90's). And then the hair won't be there to annoy me. And I'll get to wear all my cool hats.
And anyway, why is it that my head hair is coming out like mad and my leg hair is just hanging out looking normal? Again, it's not like I care since I don't shave it that often anyway, but really, I'd be totally ok if this was leg and armpit hair I was dealing with.